


Forever

by obisgirl



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-07-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 12:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obisgirl/pseuds/obisgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shortly after Anakin has turned, Padmé begins to question her legacy, and the choice of falling in love with the wrong man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Angel

**Author's Note:**

> Star Wars used to belong to George Lucas until he destroyed his own movies and then let Disney buy the rights. The song "Angel" belongs to Sarah McLachlan's Mirrorball. It just seemed perfect for this fic. Enjoy

_Spend all your time waiting_

_for that second chance_   
_for a break that would make it okay_   
_there's always one reason_   
_to feel not good enough_   
_and it's hard at the end of the day_

~~

Padmé stared at herself in the mirror. It was early. Her eyes were baggy and her cheeks were still wet. She had just woken up after three days of sleep and crying. Three days earlier everything was perfect. She and Anakin were happy and in love or were they? She wasn't really sure. Sometime after they were married, Anakin had a vision concerning his mother, Shmi. He talked to Obi-Wan about it, only he advised that they not act drastically until they met with the Council. Anakin was reluctant to wait, but Padmé assured him it was better to wait. She was with him, both of them. That moment, was the last time, she would see the two Jedi together in the same room....

~~

_I need some distraction_

~~

Now, only weeks after, the shock of losing Anakin was starting to burn through Padmé's soul. He was gone. He was really gone. Obi-Wan tried to talk to her, to comfort her, but she refused him. She didn't want to refuse him. She wanted to hold him, she wanted him to hold her. They were both hurting, still feeling the shock. After a few minutes of staring at her bathroom mirror, Amidala held her head high, raising her chin, to look dignified. It didn't work. She braced the sink, crying emphatically. Tears once again filled her baggy eyes and soft cheeks. The pain, it would never go away, no matter how hard she might to try to hide it with make-up and a pretty dress. She couldn't hide anymore, from reality, from her feelings. Being trained by Captain Panaka, she was trained to mask her feelings, because if she let her feelings take over, it would be a sign of weakness. At this point, she didn't care. She had made a horrible mistake.

~~

_Oh beautiful release_   
_memory seeps from my veins_   
_let me be empty_   
_and weightless and maybe_   
_I'll find some peace tonight_

~~

She never loved Ani. She was never in love with him. What she felt for him, it was only a sisterly love. Not passionate love, that love was reserved for the one she truly loved...Obi-Wan Kenobi. It took time to realize that fact. She knew, subconsciously, that she loved Obi-Wan, but didn't acknowledge it because of Anakin and fear of losing him, which did happen. Only, Anakin didn't turn because she didn't love him. He turned because his only lifeline, his mother, was killed and there was nothing he could have done to save her. She wished she could have saved him, the same wish and regret Obi-Wan felt.

~~

_In the arms of an angel_   
_fly away from here_

~~

She should have let him comfort her, should've listened to what he had to say - just listen. But she didn't. How could she listen? How could she listen to the man she loved and still grieve over Anakin? No, she had to be strong. She was raised to be strong. No matter the situation, she was always dignified. Only now, all that she was taught didn't seem to matter. None of it mattered. She was lost. Her world, all that she used to be and hoped to be later, was gone. She glanced back at the door and sighed.

~~

_From this dark cold hotel room_   
_and the endlessness that you fear_   
_you are pulled from the wreckage_   
_of your silent reverie_

~~

Conscientiously, she wiped the tears away from her face and began to wash. After she dried her face, she exited the fresher, throwing the towel on the bed. The bed. She stared at it for a moment before reaching around her neck. She found the clasp of her necklace and loosened it, tossing it onto the bed. The Jappor flew onto the covers, hitting it hard.

~~

_You're in the arms of the angel_   
_may you find some comfort there_

~~

Again, she felt like falling onto the bed and cry, but she didn't. Instead, she walked away from the bed and nodded. Padmé glanced at the chrono. It was still early, despite the amount of time she spent in the fresher crying. She clicked the COM, licking her lips.

Her voice was hoarse at first, but cleared. "Captain, where is Jedi Kenobi?"

"In the Garden, Senator." Captain Typho replied.

~~

_So tired of the straight line_   
_and everywhere you turn_   
_there's vultures and thieves at your back_   
_and the storm keeps on twisting_   
_you keep on building the lie_   
_that you make up for all that you lack_

~~

Padmé didn't even acknowledge her thanks as she switched off. She walked over to the balcony, scanning the gardens for the Jedi. She spotted him, sitting near the center water fountain, meditating. Deep meditation. She didn't know what he was meditating about, but he was at peace...a much better state than she was in. She backed away from the window, straightening her garb and hair.

~~

_It don't make no difference_   
_escaping one last time_   
_it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh_   
_this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees_

~~

Obi-Wan opened his eyes once he felt the presence of the former Queen. Her dress whipped around her ankles as she walked, giving her presence away. He had to admit it was a surprise to see her. She wouldn't even see him because she was grieving, only her more so than him. She grieved physically, while he grieved mentally, searching the Force for answers. Even that didn't help, but the comfort that she was near, did. She smiled weakly at him and for a moment after, wasn't sure what to say.

She felt guilty about avoiding him for the past couple days, seeing that he tried everything possible to comfort her, in truth, trying to comfort himself. He knew she was hurting, but she shunned him away and now, after realizing Anakin's turning made something click inside about her feelings for Obi-Wan, she couldn't abandon him anymore.

~~

_In the arms of an angel_   
_fly away from here_

~~

"Padmé..." Obi-Wan began and she nodded her mind back on track.

~~

_From this dark cold hotel room_   
_and the endlessness that you fear_   
_you are pulled from the wreckage_   
_of your silent reverie_

~~

"Obi-Wan, let me go first. There is much I have to talk you about." She sat down beside him, smiling weakly again. "I know you've been grieving. We both have. We should have by right, been there for each other, but we weren't."

He disagreed with her. Only, he was probably disagreeing with her because he didn't want to fight. "I respected your choice to grieve on your own, Padmé. I wasn't going to push you to share your feelings."

"Thank you Obi-Wan, that means a lot to me, but there's something else." She paused, staring at his blue eyes. "There's something I should have told you, but didn't because I was afraid. I afraid, mostly of losing Anakin. I have for time, loved you."

~~

_You're in the arms of the angel_   
_may you find some comfort there_

~~

She held her head high, examining the Jedi's response from afar. His face was calm and expressionless, which didn't help at all. His only reaction was stare back at her with his questioning eyes. Padmé looked down at her lap and continued. "I know, I should probably be crying over losing Anakin, throwing tantrums, anything to relieve the pain, but all I do feel, is numb. I don't feel anything, except my feelings for you. What I feel Anakin is empty darkness."

"I know I may sound cold hearted for even saying that, but it's the truth." Padmé began to stand up, but Obi-Wan grasped her arm, pulling her back down. She smiled, feeling a bit uneasy.

Obi-Wan perked up, staring back at her. "Padmé, you're not cold hearted. I'm never known you to be and your feelings don't feel ashamed of them. I feel the same thing. When I try to meditate, all I feel is darkness and emptiness. But as for, untimed love, I don't think now is the right time. I will, however..." he smiled, offering his hand to her, "offer my friendship, if you'll have it."

~~

_You're in the arms of the angel_   
_may you find some comfort here_

~~

Padmé hesitantly smiled as she offered him her hand. "Over untimed love, I'll take friendship." At that, she pulled him into a hug, a hug he acknowledged with a smile, but frowned inwardly, as he also felt the same feeling of untimed love.

 


	2. I Will Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan senses a great disturbance in the Force...the death of Padmé at Anakin's hands as Vador.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told from his P.o.V). Also, a Songfic. I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan.
> 
> Disclaimer: I Will Remember You is by Sarah McLachlan and Star Wars used to belong to George Lucas until he destroyed his own movies and then let Disney buy the rights.

I saw you one night in my dreams. I felt your fear. It felt like a sharp knife, piercing my heart. I wanted to keep you safe, keep you from feeling that way but I couldn't. I couldn't even keep you falling from grace, the same way I couldn't keep Anakin from turning. Now, I sit in bed, crying and cursing myself over your demise and the many times before when I held my back my feelings for you.

~~

_I will remember you_   
_Will you remember me?_

~~

There were so many times I could have told you how I felt, but I was scared. My heart trembled whenever I saw you. I was weak. I know that sounds weird; I'm in my thirties and in my youth, girls flocked around me and I reveled in it...until I met you.

~~

_Don't let your life pass you by_   
_Weep not for the memories_

~~

I still can't imagine how I let you slip through my arms, the way you did. Whenever we met on a mission or just to talk, I had to fight myself. I wanted to kiss you and tell you everything, but you weren't thinking about me. Your heart belonged to him...not me and it hurt. I know I would never know your love, but even so, I was optimistic you would realize how much I felt for you and you would leave Ani. That never happened. He stayed with, so I did as well.

So, I stayed and I waited for the day you would realize I was the one. I think it happened but when it did, it was too late. It was your wedding day. You were so beautiful, a white silk gown and braided and curled hair and angel eyes. Everything was perfect, except you felt you couldn't go through with it. You said it didn't feel right, only you couldn't explain why. I held your chin and told you, you should walk down that aisle and not look back or even doubt. I wanted to hold you close forever and pray, you didn't hear what I said, but you left my arms and did exactly what I said.

~~

_Remember the good times that we had?_   
_I let them slip away from us when things got bad_

~~

Now, here I am, crouched, grieving for the times I didn't say anything. I can barely see you but I still remember your smile, the way it lit up your face. You were an angel. I see that now. You were so happy. Sometimes I would chide you on how you acted like a child whenever he was around, though I felt it was inappropriate. But as long as you were happy and you continued to smile, I remained silent, watching from afar.

~~

_How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun_   
_Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

~~

But, now you're gone and I regret all the things I didn't say. I wish I could have kept you safe from him, held you tighter that day I had to let you go, wish you didn't hear my words. I can only pray to the Force, you're happy and have found peace. My gaze drifts to a lone room and I hear your son crying for company.

~~

_I will remember you_   
_Will you remember me?_   
_Don't let your life pass you by_   
_Weep not for the memories_

~~

He's the only part of you I have and like you, I have to let him go. I don't want to because if I do, I fear I'll lose whatever memory I have of you. And your daughter. She looks just like you; the same eyes and angel face, it tears my heart to give her up as I gave you up.

~~

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep_   
_Standin' on the edge of something much too deep_   
_It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word_   
_We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard_

~~

I know I have to let go, but I can't. I'll lose the image of your face, the way you spoke, and the way your cheeks sink into dimples when they smile, like mine... I'm standing on the edge of darkness and there's no one to pull me back from this pit of despair. I know you'll never know, but as long as I live now, I can't ever forget the times we spent together with unspoken words.

~~

_But I will remember you_   
_Will you remember me?_   
_Don't let your life pass you by_   
_Weep not for the memories_

~~

Now, all I can do is wait until I see you again and you realize how much you meant to me. Only wait, but until then, I know, I won't ever forget you...I just hope you won't forget me. 

~~

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose_   
_Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose_   
_Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night_   
_You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

~~

I remember...things would have been perfect. If Qui-Gon hadn't discovered Ani, I would hold you tight in my arms forever and never let you go. Only I did let go and now you're gone, only a ghost in dreams that will never be.

~~

_And I will remember you_   
_Will you remember me?_   
_Don't let your life pass you by_   
_Weep not for the memories_

~~

  
I remember the way you smiled at me at the Parade, the way you put your arm around me and whispered everything would be all right. I didn't hear what you said but I remember how everything I was feeling at that moment suddenly disappeared and all I felt was your warmth.

~~

_And I will remember you_   
_Will you remember me?_   
_Don't let your life pass you by_

~~

I just hope you can forgive me for not holding on and letting you go when I did. I know it was a mistake, but Anakin loved you and I loved him like a son. In way, I lost both of you. But when Anakin turned, all I could think about was how much you would hurt and how I could possibly make it better. I never had a love like you before.

_I wish I had told you everything._   
_I wish I had held on tighter._   
_I wish I could still see your smile._

But, all I can do is wish until the day we're reunited and I can finally tell you everything you deserved to hear. And I will remember you.

~~

_Weep not for the memories_   
_Weep not for the memories_

The End


End file.
